April 18, 2007

• Somebody just sent this to me.  It's pretty damn funny.  I did not write any of it.
  

  ---

  1. Your first name is Korean, you've learned a good amount of Korean,
  you constantly eat Korean food (bulgogi and kimchi are part of your
  diet), you've been to Korea many, many times (for a "spiritual retreat)
  and your friends don't get why, since well... You're not Korean.
  
     2. You're the weird family out of all your cousins.
  
     3. You've lived in a van and lived off fast food.
  
     4. You've done a "40 day"
  
     5. You have a hard time explaining how your parents met to your school friends.
  
     6. During speeches, you used/or still do wander around with your friends.
  
     7. You have "school friends"
  
     8. An elder yelled at you for flirting or doing something "chapter 2" related. Heck, all you did was highfive the girl!
  
     9. You hide your picture of True Parents when your friends come over.
  
    10. You just put Christian-Other on myspace.
  
    11. You're half Japanese and most of your friends are.
  
    12. One of your parents (the white one, for you halfies) tries to act Asian.
  
    13. You've seen WAIT perform many times.
  
    14. You call elder BCs (or have) nunas/hyungs, oppas/unnis.
  
    15. You know of the Aunt DJ.
  
    16. You went on STF and told your friends your taking a year off for "traveling"
  
    17. You're in a room with at least one picture of True Parents.
  
    18. You know what BCcandidates is, and you check it sometimes.
  
    19. You were once an active member of BCworld.
  
    20. Camp Sunrise was the highlight of your summer.
  
    21. One of your parents work for an organization that either has the word "Peace" or "Interreligious" in it.
  
    22. You wake up at 5 AM often, and not to see the sunrise.
  
    23. You have a ridiculous amount of Uncles and Aunts.
  
    24. You once loved the band Mr. Sparkle.
  
    25. You meet a girl, fall in love, and marry her, but never in that order.
    26. If you're white, you have to explain to your friends why you hang out with Asians during the summer.
  
    27. You know what it means to "cain out".
  
    28. Anything somewhat sexual is "chapter two".
  
    29. Friends asked if True Parents were your grandparents.
  
    30. The phrase "medical ansu" scares the heck out of you.
  
    31. When you're getting "old" your mom constantly tells you all the good ones are being taken.
  
    32. You know Jesus, Muhamed and Buddha all have old Korean wives.
  
    33. When the teacher starts talking about cults in class, you read ahead in the chapter to see if the church is mentioned.
  
    34. You've been woken up really early to bow to fruit on your birthday
  
    35. You've paid a lot of money to have old Asian people repeatedly hit you way harder than they look like they can.
  
    36. You learned how to wrap a dozen roses when you were in elementary school
  
    37. The sound of wind-chimes makes you have flash-backs
  
    38. You have lived with 20 people or more that you can't remember
  
    39. You've lived with 20 people or more at the same time.
  
    40. You have seen STDs dance on multiple occasions  (I'm trying to figure out what STD stands for...)
  
    41. You've sat on the floor wearing your best dress cloths for up to 7 hours or more
  
    42. You are still a virgin 39 days after your wedding.
  
    43. You know way too many details about your parents’ first night
  together and the same thing applies for at least a few thousand other
  people’s parents too.
  
    44. You know "amen" is so--- last era!
  
    45. You know "starting family" doesn't have to mean having kids.
  
    46. Right after you get "blessed" everyone asks if you "started family"

  
  

  You know you're a moonie when you know this is not what Adam and Eve ate (this one I just made up)

  ---

  The
  Intercultural “Exchange” Marriage Blessing

  Distinguished
  ladies and gentlemen, our bondage to the lineage of Satan has caused
  so much suffering throughout history. Let us now boldly step forth to
  sever it and be grafted onto the root of the lineage of the True
  Parents. Why should we foolishly continue to live and die as wild
  olive trees? A wild olive tree, even if it lives a thousand years,
  will only continue producing the seeds of more wild olive trees.
  Where can we find the path to escape this vicious cycle?

  It is
  through the Holy Blessing. The Holy Blessing Ceremony offers the
  grace of being grafted onto the true olive tree. It was instituted by
  the True Parents, who bring God’s true lineage to humankind. Once
  you change your lineage to God’s lineage, your offspring will
  belong to God’s lineage naturally. The Holy Blessing is received in
  three stages: rebirth, resurrection and eternal life. These marriages
  contribute to the enormous task of transcending the barriers of race,
  culture, nationality, ethnicity and religion, and to creating one
  family of humankind. In God’s sight, skin color makes no
  difference. God does not recognize national borders. God does not
  stand behind the barriers of religion and culture. They are nothing
  more than the Devil’s tricks. The Devil has used them to rule over
  humanity as a false parent for tens of thousands of years.

  You have
  the mission to teach the members of your families and clans that
  perfecting a life of absolute sexual morality through the
  intercultural exchange Marriage Blessing is the ultimate means to
  establish a peaceful, ideal world here on earth. Your families and
  clans should all join the holy ranks of those blessed through
  intercultural marriage through the perfection of absolute sexual
  morality.

  Ladies
  and gentlemen, the path is now open wide for you to change your
  lineage through the Holy Wine Ceremony that the True Parents have
  instituted. The Blessing is yours, either as newlywed couples or as
  already married couples, that you may establish true families.

  
  

  excerpt from

  "God’s Model for
  Absoluteness, Peace and the Ideal Is the Family
  

  and Global
  Kingdom Upholding Absolute Sexual Morality”
  Rev.
  Dr. Sun Myung Moon

  • 12:28 am
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